What they say: Billionaire terminal cancer patient John Longmire’s going to die today, and he’s going out in stylein the classiest euthanasia clinic in the world. But the strange nurse with the clipboard and thelook of a goddess is spoiling the mood, with all her irksome questions about how he’s lived hislife.Recent retiree Gerald loves his wife Barbara and he loves his garden, but Barbara hates the garden. Because the garden’s taking Gerald over, and Barbara says he has to stop before hehas another ‘incident’.Bullied, ridiculed and unloved, moustachioed schoolgirl “Hairy” Mhairi Barry has never had anyfriends but the ones she finds on the shelves of the library where she’s spent most of her lonely childhood. But tonight, she’s going to a party with all the cool kids, to show them what she’s learned in all those books. A suspicious smelling smorgasbord of lovelorn psychopaths, vengeful mugging victims, pawnshop philosophers and rhyming Glaswegian alien abduction, Tales of the What the F*ck is a dark, touching, horrific and hilarious collection of short stories, flash fiction and epic poetry from People’s Book Prize nominated author D.A. Watson. Things are about to get weird.
The Review: I have to admit, as usual, I let this book wait way way too long before reading. I’ll be honest, my horror and science fiction/tales of the unexpected-y days are well in the past and when I said I’d try this I was feeling brave. Then I put reading it off, which now I see was a pity.
This book was a gripathon from start to finish. First, as is always the case for short stories (And some are extremely short, which was great!), my eyes raced from one to the next, moving from ‘ah I know what the twist will be here’ and being proven so so wrong, to ‘wow’ to ‘oh god no, please let this not happen’ and all emotions in between with slightly sinister stories beside fairly horrific (for me) ones, as well as stories that surprised me with messages to make you think.
I used to adore Dean Koontz and Stephen King and these stories had me gripped in the exact same way. I had my ups and downs, I winced, backed away, picked up and nodded and would very much recommend for anyone who wondered about the book. Thanks so much to Rachel at Rachel’s Random Resources for the book in return for an honest review.
About the author
D.A. Watson was halfway through a music and media degree at the University ofGlasgow and planning on being a teacher when he discovered he was actually a better writer than musician. He unleashed his debut novel In the Devil’s Name on anunsuspecting public in the summer of 2012, and plans of a stable career in education left firmly in the dust, later gained his masters in Creative Writing from the University of Stirling. He has since published two more novels; The Wolves of Langabhat and Cuttin’ Heads, acollection of short fiction and poetry, Tales of the What the F*ck, and several acclaimed articles, poems and stories, including Durty Diana, which was nominated for a PushcartPrize in the US in 2016, and the Burns parody Tam O’ Shatner, prizewinner at the Falkirk Storytelling Festival and Dunedin Burns Poetry Competition, and nominated for thePeople’s Book Prize in 2018.Watson’s writing has appeared in several anthologies and collections including 404 Ink, Dark Eclipse, Speculative Books, Haunted Voices and The Flexible Persona, and he is also a regular spoken word performer, with past gigs at Bloody Scotland, Tamfest, SonnetYouth, Express Yourself, Clusterf*ck Circus, and the Burnsfest festival in 2018, where he appeared on the main stage as the warm up act for the one and only Chesney Hawkes, a personal milestone and career highlight.
His fourth novel Adonias Low will be released by Stirling Pubishing in 2021. He lives with his family in a witch infested village on the west coast of Scotland, and continues to write some seriously weird sh*t.